Better than the annoying Taylor Swift song: Movie Review for "Letters to Juliet"

So the latest chick flick to hit the screen is the much advertised (Seriously how many times can they advertise one movie on Bravo?) LETTERS TO JULIET. To keep my record of seeing every Romantic Comedy that has come out in the past 10 years .... I of course Fandangoed my way right to the theater.

So the questions remains.....

The basic premise (if you live in Zimbabwe and haven't seen the trailer yet) is that 20-something Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) and her fiancee (Gael Garcia Bernal) go on a 'pre-honeymoon' trip to the infamous city of of Romeo and Juliet, Verona, Italy. Sophie's "I'm hot-shit-and-totally-into-myself-NY-chef" fiancee seems to be interested in everything except her, giving her a lot of free time to wander around. Of course she is drawn to Verona's most reknowed Tourist Trap .... Juliet's House. A mecca for lovers all around the world and where the love lorn leave notes to Shakespeare's heroine asking for her help.

Now why people think that a girl that had less years on her than Taylor Swift and ended up stabbing herself is a good person to ask for love advice.... well that's another issue all together.

But this is besides the point... Sophie stumbles upon a letter lost in the cracks of the wall for decades and brings it to the "Secretaries of Juliet" ... a real group that collects the letters and writes back to each person a reply. To amuse herself while her fiancee is off being a jackass somewhere, she joins the writing brigade and writes a belated reply to Claire (Vanessa Redgrave), which prompts the near instant arrival (which is LAUGHABLE if you know anything about the speed of Italian post) of the woman and her yummy yet snotty grandson, Charlie (Chris Egan).

Much to the dismay of Charlie, the three of them go on a seemingly wild-goose chase around Tuscany to find Claire's lost love, Lorenzo.

Now we all know how it's going to end. We know that despite the odds she will find her Lorenzo. We know that Sophie will wise up that her fiancee is a tool and end up with the snobby Brit who is really a sweetheart underneath his "Oh I'm so jaded by my past wah wah wah" shield.

But dammit,  when Lorenzo rides up on the stupid cliche white horse you cry anyways.

So in conclusion ..... the movie is ooey-gooey romantic drivel. Completely predictable and saturated with saccharine.... But I ate it up. Come on, you do not go to a Romantic Comedy to ponder the deeper meaning of life and be shocked and awed with creativity. You go to there to cry and to leave the theater telling your girlfriend "I want to find my Lorenzo!! Let's go to Verona! God why do our lives suck?".

No one is doubting the complex subtleties of a 1982 Bordeaux ..... but sometimes all you want is a Sunkist ... in all its cheap, bad for you, sugary goodness.

Although this particular flick has two unique things going for it.

1. The scenery and cinematography are GORGEOUS. If you leave the theater not considering quitting your job and running off to Italy this summer for one fleeting moment.... well there is something wrong with you.

Italy is prettier than your country

2. The casting of Vanessa Redgrave as Claire and Franco Nero as her long lost love Lorenzo. This is a little Art Imitating Life. Vanessa and Franco actually just got married a few years ago. They met on the set of CAMELOT in 1967, the same year the Oscar-winner divorced her first husband. But they split up soon after the birth of their son Carlos in 1968. 36 years later they rekindled the romance after Redgrave insisted she couldn't imagine spending her life with anyone else and they married in 2006. 

Alright you can say it:

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

So Letters to Juliet gets a thumbs up from Kendallina. No it won't change your life... but it will leave you with a smile on your face. 

And if you are heartbroken and wish you could write Juliet for advice..... I have some good news for you. You don't have to go to Verona. She emails. Not a joke. And she WRITES BACK! 

How do I know this? I may have written her before ......... (yes, I'm lame)......  And I got a incredibly sweet email back in broken English. God bless the Italians and their quest to keep the romance alive. 

WRITE OR EMAIL JULIET

So dear readers, I bid you Buona Notte ....

.... If not 'morrow' whenever I feel like blogging next. 

P.S.  Do y'all like the new blog layout?? :)

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Everything Is Bigger In Texas: Bienvenidos a Mega Whole Foods a Park Lane

I like food. I like overpriced, yummy, organic, pretentious food. It is a no-brainer that trips to Whole Foods are a Kendallina dietary staple. Well folks, Whole Foods has officially outdone itself. In none other than the "bigger is better" state that spawned the ostentatious organic empire, Texas....Here enters:

MEGA WHOLE FOODS. 

This beast on Park Lane is a whopping 64,000 square feet of glory. Of course I had to check it out as soon as it opened. So I took along my foodie-pescatarian-shopping buddy Mrs. Lilly Neubauer and we ventured out to explore this massive marvel of American-style gluttony for ourselves.

The first thing that strikes you (or just me and perhaps every botoxed Junior Leauger with an MRS degree in a 200 mile radius) is that there is a Wine Bar INSIDE the grocery store. Seriously. So when you are tired of picking out blood oranges grown in volcanic ash and kosher meat .... you can rest your feet at the bar for a little pick me up, catch up on who's winning March Madness on the TV, and indulge in a nice little cheese flight!

Or even better... why don't you just DRINK WHILE YOU SHOP. That's right you heard me. Just ask and you can take a roadie through the aisles. After you are sufficiently buzzed and don't feel like going all the way across Egypt to the other side of the store to return your glass.... it's cool they let you set it wherever you want. Really. 

But seriously. Whoever thought of this idea was a sales genius. What does drinking do? 

1.) Lessen your better judgement

 2.) Make you hungry

So add a little Chardonay to that shopping trip and .... "well I guess I do need this Vegan Double Chocolate Brownie Orgasm .... and 3 lbs of Lobster .... and oooh this  Cheese rubbed in coffee grounds and lavender sounds amaazzzing". The guy who decided this would be a good idea should with the Sales equivalent of the GD Nobel Prize. 

Although when I was perusing my grocery items, I'm not going to lie ... I noticed a few confused/judgmental looks. I think the newness of the store and the novelty that one would never think to turn a grocery store into a watering hole really confused some WF newbies. Hence the "Did that girl REALLY bring a her own roadie from home? Is this legal? Christ, are public intoxication laws just not enforced anymore?" looks. 

Hmm I wonder which of these Domestic Cheeses (yes this is JUST the domestic section) goes best with my Sauvignon Blanc? 

Moving on .... 

To the MAKE YOUR OWN CUPCAKE BAR

Ooooh that's right. You can pick what flavor cupcake you want, what flavor icing, and what toppings you would like. You can even have the cupcake filled with an additional shot of icing. And don't worry, all the dyes used in the Icing are 100% Vegan Organic. As the cupcake-maker-lady explained the red color comes from beets! NEATO! Lilly indulged and a pretty Carrot Cake creation.

Other impressive highlights include a large RAW BAR, a FROZEN YOGURT BAR (with fancy flavors like Acai Berry and Avocado), and the biggest OLIVE BAR I have ever seen.

Lilly indulging in Olive Bar Parto Uno

No this isn't a repeat picture, this is the 2nd half. Yes every single compartment of both sides are DIFFERENT olives. I didn't even know this many varieties existed? Too bad they don't sell Martinis at the wine bar .... 

Or perhaps you would like to fill your own bottle of specialty olive oils and balsamic vinegars from around the world? 

Mandarin Crushed Olive Oil? I don't even know what that means but I want it.

For those with diabetes, gluten allergies, or are on the latest Anti-Gluten diet craze, this store has the chains largest gluten-free section of both dry and frozen foods and even fun little Gluten-Free Life info brochures. And for you vegans out there there is a giant section of food I don't understand with clever names like "Tofurky". 

But for the rest of us that don't discriminate against eating things with faces, in true Texan style, there is an in-house smoker and BBQ pit. 

Mmmmm hot meat ..... Looks so good I don't even care if that sounds ridiculously vulgar.

Don't feel like cooking? There is a 20 foot long chef's case of gourmet prepared items and self-serve buffet areas. There are also sushi, pizza, and panini stations. And the coffee bar and taco cart will open at 7 a.m. - An hour earlier than the actual store opens ... just for the breakfast group. There is also a smoothie and juice bar that serves this weird Hippy fermented tea called Kombucha that my hipster-lite friend Lilly thoroughly enjoyed. 

All this boozing and shopping got you tired? Well freshen up at bath and body department at the DR. HAUSCHKA COSMETICS AND SKIN BAR, where you can get everything from a hand massage to an actual legit facial.
Or perhaps just load up on your favorite scented bath salts for a soak when you get home at the ORGANIC BATH SALT BAR.

I'm sure I could make a joke about Hippies and Patchouli scented salt, but I'm gunna let it slide.

Or if you are just too busy boozing and getting your facial to be bothered to actually grocery shop you can .... get ready for this:

Give your list to the CONCIERGE SERVICE and they will DO YOUR SHOPPING FOR YOU. 

I swear to god. Welcome to Dallas folks. 

As you can see Whole Foods has clearly topped itself here in Big-D. Writhe in jealousy at your lame versions elsewhere. It's America at it's best and worst all wrapped into one pretentious mega-grocery. Revel in the glory that is Mega Whole Foods. 

But whatever delightful items you decide to procure ... PLEASE stay away from the "Green Technology/All Natural" Hair Dye. Hair is not a joke people. Especially in Texas. Leave this to the chemical laden professionals. 

Book Review: Lunch In Paris - A Love Story and Recipes

Elizabeth Bard was a twenty-something New Yorker on the fast track. Then after one innocent lunch in Paris with a handsome Frenchman.. and she never looked back. Yes, there are lots of "look what happens when an American moves to Europe!" memoirs out there (Ahem, Under the Tuscan Sun anyone?), but this one is particularly "delectable" because of its lots of amaaaazing French recipes. 

Braised Veal Shank with Fresh Muscat Grapes from Elizabeth's own Blog

I'm drooling just looking at this

In her first book, Bard tracks her relationship through meals — the pasta Gwendal made after they first made love, the sausage over which he first told her je t'aime, the poached cod served when she met his parents, and the smelly French cheese at their wedding. She includes recipes at the end of each chapter for those wanting to cook up a little romance of their own.

The story itself is charming and Bard has a wonderfully down-to-earth voice. As their relationship advances and she permanently finds herself in Paris to be with him, she encounters all the typical (but somehow never tiresome) dilemmas of an American in Paris. Although the mouth-watering recipes were a close second, this for me was the most intriguing part of the book. Her careful, detailed look at the differences between the two cultures not only made me appreciate France more, it taught me a little bit more of what it means to be an American. 


As anyone who has travelled extensively knows, there is such beauty yet intense frustration and confusion when being immersed in another culture. To give you a little amuse bouche of Elizabeth's experiences, here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

In France, people often show their power by saying no - by their ability to block things, to show that nothing happens without them. To close the store, if you like, whenever they please. In the United States, people show their power by their ability to say yes - to get things done in a hurry. To keep the store open an extra hour, just for you. 

One of the great gifts of an interculteral relationship is that when you fight, you never quite know if you are mad at the person, or at their culture: Is he really too bum-ass lazy to call back the band at 8 PM on a Monday evening, or is he just being FRENCH? Is she bombarding me with lists and timetables and questions about the color of wax used to seal the invitations because she's a manic control freak, or is she just being AMERICAN?

I know the real reason French Women Don't Get Fat. It has to do a lot with stern looks from your mother in law - and the annual return of le bikini. 

Let me ask you something. Are you reading this on the way to your spin-class? Are you late for your acupuncturist? Your life coach? Your shrink? That is four hours already out of your week, which the French replace with the realxing and replenishing ritual of a sit-down lunch. 

The question permeates throughout the novel: Can you develop a taste for the new without leaving yourself behind? As Bard navigates the ups and downs of life in her adopted country, she is forced to revise her standard recipes for love, pleasure, and success. Along the way, she introduces readers to bustling markets, bad tempered butchers, and heavenly chocolate shops through the eyes of an American turned Parisienne.


I think Ms. Bard sums up the essence of her adventures in love and cultural exploration in a quote from a personal interview:

We complement each other in a lot of wonderful ways. I think I gave him a bit of my American “Just-Do-It” attitude - the sense of possibility and living his dreams, and he gave me a sense of “joie de vivre” – the idea that happiness comes before ambition – or perhaps that happiness can be a goal in and of itself.

If you would like to experience a little joie de vivre of your own, I highly recommend Lunch In Paris: A Love Story and Recipes.  :)

Annnnd if you haven't jumped on the Kindle train yet..... please consider it. This thing is the greatest invention for book lovers since Guttenburg invented the printing press. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Kindle. Get one ... yesterday!

Kendallina's LIVE 2010 Oscar Commentary

**(Correlates with Oscar Drinking Game of previous post)

7:46 – Ten bucks says Woody Harrilson really IS high.

7:48 – CGI – check, James Cameron – check, Stifling Gabourey Sidibe fat joke- check, Pretending to go off telepromter – check, Meryl Streep joke – check, Random cut to George Clooney – check check check, Steve Marin and Alec Baldwin make a joke about their movie It’s Complicated – check.

If you were playing my Drinking Game you would already be drunk just from this Intro.

7:49 – George Clooney has got to be in on this

7:50 – “I was so happy to see Penelope Slut Cruz in clothes” – Stephen H. Hacket via facebook chat

7:52 – Chrisoph Waltz was evil in FOUR languages. Duh shoe-in. HE SAID UBERBINGO!!!!!! Get it? Get it? It’s cause hes Austrian…. You know “UBER”…. GET IT???? Oh Crazy German guy. Austrian, German, whatever … this is ‘Mericuh, they might as well be the same thing.

8:01 – Steve Carell and Cameron Diaz presenting: Someone pretends to go off Telepromperter – DRINK

8:06 - Miley Cyrus … you are 17 … it is illegal for us to be looking at your boobs.

8:10 – REALLY annoyed that “Take It All” from NINE didn’t win. Stupid Crazy Heart country bumpkin crap is not as good. Marion Cotillard ruins me when I hear that song. It's every woman who gives and gives and the men who are oblivious to what they had until till it's too late.

You watch and tell me this isn't amazing.

8:27 – THE BREAKFAST CLUB REUNITED!!! I know this is a memorial … but where is the Dance Montage?? Lame lame lame lame.

8:40 - HA!! WHO IS THIS JEWISH WOMAN WHO JUST BUST IN?? Wow. She totally took the African Singing Documentary dude’s Oscar speech moment. He’s not even trying to hide the fact that he is piiiiiiiiissed. There is totally gunna be a catfight backstage. I wish anyone cared who they were so TMZ would youtube that shit.

8:43 – Ben Stiller dressed up as Avatar – Drink. Yes Ben Stiller, this was a better idea in rehearsal.

8:54 – Best Screenplay trailers ….. I zoned out because it was boring. I only tuned back in to see Precious chick run off with a big bucket of chicken……. Am I a bad person because I’m trying not to laugh…… ? Could they pick ANY other scene besides fat girl running away with a giant bucket of chicken? Seriously?

8:55 - Stifling Gabourey Sidibe fat joke – Drink.

8:56 – Writer of Precious Screenplay – Crying during speech …. Drink.

8:57 – A non-white person wins an award and we cut to a shot of someone in the audience who has no connection to the winner except being of the same race …….. Thanks MORGAN FREEMAN. …….. DRINK

9:04 – Mo’Nique wins Best Supporting Actress … shock! No one really knows what she's talking about ... but she saying it with conviction .... so .. sure.

9:06 - A non-white person wins an award and we cut to a shot of someone in the audience who has no connection to the winner except being of the same race ……. This one goes to Samuel L. Jackson …… ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I’VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERFUCKIN SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERFUCKIN PLANE!

9:11 – I think I saw Signourey Weaver’s dress on the sale rack at Dillards.

9:14 – Did Steve Martin just call Sarah Jessica Parker a whore?

9:15 – Dear SJP, Brush your hair and get a new dress. Love, Kendallina

9:17 – Charleze Theron …. Did you use the Madonna Cone Bra as an inspiration for your dress?

9:29 – Morgan Freeman is narrating the Sound Editing Montage … no one cares. But really, why DOES Morgan Freeman narrate everything? He should release The Bible as a book on tape … he’d make bank.

9:31 – The sound editing thing is still going on and I’m still bored so I Googled to see if Morgan Freeman had indeed narrated The Bible. And low and behold: Rabbit Ears Bible Stories: Volume Four: Parables that Jesus Told, The Savior is Born is narrated by Morgan Freeman and Garrison Keillor.

9:33 – The Sound Editing guy won again for Hurt Locker too? Two in a row? Still bored. Anyone else think he looks like a creepy Swedish Child Molester?

9:40 – Sandra Bullock in gold shiny dress….. (Subliminal message: PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME!)

10:12 - What's going on? Can we have a real award yet? I'm falling asleep. Where are the hosts ... can we get a joke or something?

10:23 - I think the Argentinean Director said something about Chile in Spanish? Drink?

10:37 - Jeff Bridge - Best Actor .... duh. .. yawn. They practically gave him a Lifetime Achievement award in his intro speech.

10:39 - Count that Jeff Bridges said "Man" in his speech: 3 .... He really is "The Dude".

10:41 - 4

10:50 - Hm. Oprah and Gabourey Sidibe are wearing the same color dress. I am really trying to not make a mean joke about an Oprah Diet: Before and After ... Ok that's just mean... but this shit is dragging on... now I'm just getting fiesty

10:53 - Sandy won Best Actress.... oh thank goodness... or she would feel REALLY stupid for wearing that dress.

10:56 - She's crying .... Drink.

10:58 - BABS!! The communal shriek of Old Jewish women and Gays everywhere just echoed around the world.

11:00 - Kathryn Bigelow won for Hurt Locker!! Yeah Girl Power!

11:03 - She dedicated it to Iraq soldiers .... Drink.

11:04 - HURT LOCKER won BEST PICTURE! HA! I totally called it. Splitting it with Avatar my ass. Take that James Cameron and your Avatarded 3-D Blue Smurfs on Acid and your thinly veiled political message.... Hey, you are rich as all hell and you still got Titanic ... get over it.

11:05 - I would like to point out ALL of my predictions were right. I should start betting in pools and make some money off my impeccable taste.

11:08 - Oh thank god its over. See ya next year. Well... actually I hope not... maybe I'll have a life by then.

Movie Review: Bright Star

So for those of you with a Netflix account in high rotation like mine, you may have noticed in the New Releases a period romance called Bright Star. The film is directed by Jane Campion who has directed other period dramas such as The Piano and Portrait of a Lady.

Now I rather enjoyed the film, but be warned if you have no interest in period dramas or poetry .... you will probably hate this movie. So just do yourself a favor and skip the review, and delete this movie from your Netflix cue. This is by no means some life changing movie that will make you think twice about your taste for the genre. But for the small minority of people out there who do enjoy this sort of thing, I would highly recommend the film.

The story follows the love interest/muse of the (in my humble opinion) the greatest of the Romantic poets, John Keats. At the time Keats is a penniless writer, his love interest Fanny is urged to hold out for a more wealthy suitor, Keats gets tuberculosis.... and since this real life vs. a Jane Austen novel ... their quixotic affair doesn't exactly end happily. But what separates this film from the many ... many superfluous formulaic romantic comedies out there is the actual pace of the romance itself. It is quiet, tender, and very slow by our 2010 instant gratification terms. I think for some this could translate in to slowness of plot, but I didn't find it as such. There is no steam in this one - PG rating for sure. But thats one of the things I found refreshing - it was all very realistic to the time. With a slow build and its abrupt end, their affair struck me as extremely passionate on a deep emotional level.

Campion highlighted snippets of their letters to each other, and this reminded me of my occasional longing of a simpler time. A time when lovers couldn't hide behind pithy text messages or Facebook chat; but rather since they were often separated by great distance for long periods of time, they had to communicate what they felt in actual letters. Not a brusque "how was your weekend?!" email... REAL letters... Letters that didn't just recount what happened last 'weekend', but how these things made you feel, what did they make you think about? Thoughts, feelings, concerns.... shocking concepts by todays typical standards of courtship. And these said letters were written with REAL words. Descriptive words that had actual meaning. No ttyl's, no lol's, no luv ya's. It was a time when people welcomed the idea of romance, and weren't afraid of communicating feelings in fear of "freaking the other person out"or constantly playing cat and mouse games to entrap the other's affections while still remaining "in control".

Just read this sonnet that Keats wrote (supposedly) for her:

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art--
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death.

Sigh..... I've always loved Keats.... heartbreakingly beautiful isn't it?

No? Oh well... there's always the non-stop loop of Jersey Shore to watch on MTV2.

(Fist pump)