Thursday, April 8, 2010

To Jort or not to Jort... That is the question: The Spring/Summer '10 Jean Short Trend

3:54PM Eastern Standard Time I get a distressed call from my dear friend Meghan. She has the misfortune of being based in Bloomington, Indiana.
"Now I know that Indiana is not the center of the fashion universe, but JORTS?! JEAN SHORTS?! They are EVERYWHERE! You are up to date with fashion trends ... please tell me they are not back. Please. God. No." 

I had to sigh and concede to dear Meghan. Yes, the fashion Gods have decided ... the jean short is back. But what I suspect has happened is what usually happens when the jean short makes a foray back into the trend-o-sphere ..... there is little research on "HOW" to wear them and Soristitutes pull out their Daisy Duke cutoffs from 1999 (that were always a little too short and are more than a little too tight 10 years later) and parade them around innocently because .... they are "back in right?!?" But the end result is less Nicole Richie and more Honky-Tonk Whore.

These didn't look good on you in 8th grade and they sure as hell don't now

So as per Meghan's request, today's blog will explore the do's and don'ts of the infamous Jean Short. 


Ok, there are 4 KEY factors to consider when wearing this updated summer staple

** The new short is a little baggier and a touch longer than the previous 90's Daisy Duke cutoff version. If I can see the crease where your ass meets your thigh.... they are too short. 
  1. They are cutting into your thigh
  2. You have a camel toe
  3. You have a muffin top
Then they are too tight. 
Wannabe Rap Video Ho and White Trash Floozy are generally looks to "avoid"

** One of the most IMPORTANT keys to update this look to keep you from being mistaken as "A Hooker at a Tim McGraw concert" is WHAT you are pairing the shorts with. Your shorts are short, so your top should NOT be tight. Pair them with a a blousy or loose fitting shirt to balance out the fact you are showing a lot of leg.
Don't feel bad. Celebrities have Rachel Zoe to style them and tell them how to not look like cheap prostitutes.
Then again you can take the girl out of the trash .... but you can never take the trash out of the girl. To demonstrate the Tight Tank/Daisy Duke DON'T ... Ladies and Gentleman ...


Oops she did it again ... 

Difference: Jessica is wearing a costume portraying a White Trash character, Brit is wearing this in Real Life. 

** Now we must talk about Footwear. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCE may you wear JORTS of any kind with SNEAKERS. You are not from Alabama on a family vacation at Disney World. Christ if you do this you might as well tack on a Fanny Pack. 


** And finally ladies... we all have different body types ... and every woman is beautiful in their own way (blah blah blah) but please.... be honest with yourself. If your thighs are .... not your "best asset".... then maybe you should leave the Jorts alone all together. I'm not saying you have to be one of those anorexic bitches who's thighs don't even touch.... but if you can't go 5 minutes without getting Chub-Rub or are unfortunately plagued with cellulite (bless your heart) ... then maybe the Jorts aren't for you. Fashion is supposed to HIGHLIGHT our best assets. A classic look that flatters you will always win over every "trend" for the rest of time. Do yourself a favor and just throw on a pretty summer dress! Ok?! .... Please....

So ..... I hope this guide has helped (some of) you ladies navigate the potential pitfalls of this season's infamous JORT trend. 

PIPERLIME has a great selection of the updated jean short if you would like to peruse. My favorites are these by Joe's Jeans:

But let's be clear. It is NOT ok for men under any circumstances to ever wear Jean Shorts..... Unless you are related to these guys:

And please don't abuse Casual Friday at the Workplace .... 


  1. Thank you for this! Seriously, I want to copy this and put it up in Ballantine, the SRSC, and IMU. Or maybe I should just forward it to Jenny Kim and let her get the word out.


  2. you know you love me. xoxo, jsom girl.

    (i just puked. everywhere. hate/love myself.)

  3. Yeah - thanks for posting this. I won't be sporting jean shorts, but best of luck to everyone else who plans to give them a shot.

  4. GROSS..... JORTS are never cool! Wait... should I get some acid wash ones? You don't mention those!

  5. Wow... I'm possibly ashamed to admit to having bought a pair of "jorts" recently... but I promise, in no way are they too tight or too short!

    What I'll never wear - the fanny pack. Elle (I think... or another similar fashion mag) claims they're back in - I don't think they were ever in to begin with...ugh, just ugh

  6. Thanks for stopping by Life: Forward! I'm much relieved to hear that you too succumbed to the allure of the 'jort' (a term that I made sure to reference last night by the way) --- No minimizing bra for me --- My girls need a lot of support so as to emulate something that approximates "perkiness" --- the things we do for 'beauty'...

  7. Hey Kendallina - Left you something at Life: Forward ( :-)

  8. hahaha. jorts are definitely back. i havent been brave enough to try to find my perfect pair yet..

  9. New follower, agree so much! I don't care if other people want to wear them, but I am never bringing back the jort personally.

    You are funny, you seem like you enjoy laughing at people like me.

  10. Great post!!!!Love your blog and follow you now!!!!

  11. Great Post really gave some tips I will keep in mind for myself ;-)

  12. hahahaha! hilarious post! i could NOT agree more!!
    it's hard to beleive people still walk outside their doorsteps wearing jean shorts like that!
    i love the loose top look and it goes perfectly with summer vacations!

  13. Last summer when I was living in New York I felt this unyielding pressure to wear jorts. Hey, all the cool kids were doing it. So, I went ahead and bought my very own pair -- or rather, I fashioned some out of some men's jeans I found at a consignment shop. I wore them once. Talk about chafing. Trauma.

  14. This post is hilarious!! Sadly, if my town were held to it, no one would be allowed out of their houses. Not to worry, I'm sure they'd plenty of spandex to survive.

  15. Jorts are seriously dicey. Some pretty fabulous legs are necessary to pull off the look (I did really like the Joe's pair you mentioned.) Maybe a trend best left to Rachel Bilson and Nicole Ritchie..?!!
    P.S. Saw your outfit pics from an older post. Apparently you have the bestest, most gorge hair in the world! And now I'm jealous. There I said it....

  16. As long as you all agree that other girls shouldn't show curves in public unless you do. t